Things are easier to accomplish when you give your goals catchy names like “Marriage Monday” or “Workout Wednesday” it’s basically scientifically proven (not really). That’s what I do. I make up one-liners for short-term goals and it motivates me to get through them. I’m a sucker for marketing like that, too. Whole30 is my jam and I love gushing to everyone about how a 30 day challenge changed my life. I’m one of those people. It’s my character flaw, alright? So I am going to call this upcoming month “Just Us June” and I am going to rock it.
June is our month. The month to focus on our family even though we have an insane amount on our plate. Sean is in the thick of Spring Hockey which means a lot of the work at home and in our relationship falls on my shoulders. We are continuing our cycle study (which is nearly a full time job!) and right in the middle of all of it we are going to New York. I spent last week looking at our schedule and panicking. We need to do blood tests and my cycle days can switch at any time which means the timing of the tests can switch at any time. What if we need to do a test and we are in New York or Boston? What if I miss my trigger shot because we are traveling and/or my cycle changes? My fertile days this month, of course, land on the weekend Sean is gone at a 4 day tournament. So now do I have to neglect my yard and house so I can travel with him? I don’t really want to. Does that make me a bad wife? Do I deserve a baby less because I don’t want to travel to Duluth that weekend just to get it on? I end up sitting at hockey games or in a hotel the entire time and it feels like such a waste. Who is going to feed my chickens, can someone watch Payton? Does it look bad that we aren’t spending memorial day weekend with our daughter? Do I have to explain that I am in my fertile week to my in-laws or my dad because….
I wish I could tell you I held back those tears and figured everything out like the cool , calm and collected woman I am (ha). Instead, I spent a good hour continuing to panic / cry / count and re-count calendar days and potential blood test and ultrasound days. I’m surprised my head didn’t start turning and my mouth spewing out split pea soup.
So after my breakdown I decided I was going to spend the entire month of June focusing on my family . I need to shut out all of the outside noise so I can focus without being obsessive and stressed. I’m not going to focus on the annoying drama at work or the rude customers that call. I’m not going to read too much into someone’s Facebook post or feel like a failure for paying a high school kid to mow my yard this month just because I don’t want to. I refuse to freak out the bird poop on my car that I still haven’t washed off. I’m not going to let it bother me when some minivan doesn’t know that the left lane is for CARS GOING FASTER THEN 50 ON THE FREEWAY. I’m not going to let those situations suck up any of my energy in June. I don’t have time for that. I need to put all my focus, all my faith, all my hope and all my heart into my family and our journey right now. I need to stay up at night praying and thanking the big man for everything that I have, not obsessing over how so-and-so said this-and-that. I know that this is going to die down. I know that I will get my miracle baby. I know that everything is going to be alright. So I better start acting like it, too.
Here’s to June!!!!