This is such click bait. I feel a little guilty but , I also think it is really important.
I decided to make up my own relationship challenge. One week of completely wiping out any toxic, sarcastic, rude , hurtful or belittling comments towards my husband. This includes huffing, sighing, rolling eyes or whatever else I do when I take out my frustration on him. I originally wanted to see how my relationship could change after seven days (168 hours).
It took me about 48 hours to realize that this challenge would change me before it changed my marriage.
Last night Sean and I didn’t communicate about who was picking up Payton. I got my hair done, Sean was at hockey but it wasn’t on our family schedule so I assumed he would go and get her. I usually would have been crabby and said something like ” I get my hair done ONCE every year and a half and you can’t even plan around that when you get your hair cut once a month!” and then sit downstairs and be rude/quiet the rest of the night hoping that he would feel guilty. That is really hard to even admit, it’s extremely embarrassing for me. That isn’t the behavior or attitude I want to emulate in life. If I had to choose between walking around my town naked on a MN winter day or admitting that I treat my husband like complete garbage sometimes, I would seriously choose walking around naked. But here I am – blasting myself on the internet because I truly believe that God (I know some of you are rolling your eyes and that’s okay, you do you) is changing my heart and having me put this all out on the line because it can help someone else, too.
Back to the story. I picked up Payton, got her some food and we went home. When we pulled in the driveway Sean was already home working on homework (he is finishing his Masters degree). I walked upstairs and it was messy , the downstairs was messy, the chickens were running low on food/water and his clothes were strung across our bathroom even though there was an empty laundry basket for dirty laundry sitting RIGHT there. I felt a bubble of frustration pop up but I promised I would let it go. It would take me more energy to complain about it then it would to just do the tasks. It took me 10 minutes to complete everything and I realized I was really tired. I went to lay down and wait for Sean to come in but got tired and fell asleep.
My alarm went off this morning and I realized he hadn’t come to bed. I got ready and went upstairs because my car keys weren’t in our entryway and I needed to start my car. Sean was sleeping on the couch with the fan whipping around on level 10 and the living room was messy again.
On my drive to work I starting thinking about WHY these things made me so mad. Am I going to remember the one night he slept upstairs and had the fan on an annoying speed? Am I going to remember him not completely topping off the chicken feed? No…I will never remember any of that. I tried to think back at the last two months and see if I could remember any of our fights. I couldn’t remember a SINGLE thing we fought about. All I could remember is how I behaved. My stomach sank and I have spent roughly the last three hours cringing at myself.
I used to feel so justified in my anger and now I just feel small and weak. Sometimes you get hard lessons thrown at you. I don’t especially like this one but I’m going through it. I’m not saying that week of being nice to your spouse is going to change your life and your marriage. I’m not saying that this a cure to a quick temper. I am saying that this could be a really good first step in self-realization and healing for yourself. In turn, it can help your marriage and all relationships in your life.
What do you have to lose?